5 Bar Bets to Hustle Some Hooch (or Cooch)
If you’re a guy in college, for the most part, you need to realize two absolute facts about drinking at a bar:
1. You will never be pretty enough to get consistently offered free drinks at a bar –obvious exception, if it’s a gay bar.
2. Getting drunk at a bar is expensive…and you’re fucking broke. (If you’re not “fucking broke”, because mommy and daddy pay all your party expenses, then good for you, that’s awesome, and I hate you with every cell in my body.)
Given these two facts, most of us exploit the loophole know as ‘the pregame’, where we get drunk before going to the bar – this way we don’t have to waste money on ourselves to get drunk at the bar; instead, we can spend our few bills on buying drinks for chicks so they’ll talk to us and stuff! Fuck yeah, dude!
There are also a few other loopholes like: taking advantage of an ‘elated, thriftless buffoon’; somehow convincing the bartender that the ‘Ballers’ from across the bar are your friends and putting all your drinks “on their tab”; or, threatening and intimidating physically smaller guys into giving you their cash. But, if you’re a pussy and would prefer to take “the high road” of exploiting people for your own personal benefit, bar bets can be super fun and way less potentially confrontational.
The point of a ‘bar bet’ is simply to hustle some drinks from mostly your friends, but sometimes strangers as well. There are “fair” and “unfair” bar bets. A “fair” bar bet entails a proper contest in which both parties share a fairly equal chance at winning. An “unfair” bar bet is when there’s a “sucker” involved- these are way better since you always win…cause you cheat…making you all the more a true American competitor. These bar bets or tricks can be used to swindle a fair share of swill, but they can also add to your game with da chicas. Use a these fun, playful little bets to demonstrate some personality and wit, and also turn the tables by having her buy you a drink for fucking once. Even if it was just because she lost the bet, the mere actions of investing her money to buy you a drink are enough to create the illusion of being put “on the pedestal”, leaving you with the upper hand – psychological warfare motherfuckers.
These are my top five bar hustles:
5. Five question Bet – Explain tothe sucker that the rules are simple: you will ask them five easy questions and they must answer each one incorrectly. The bet may go something like this;
You “Ok, you understand the rules? Ready?”
You “Ok, What’s your name?”
Sucker “Adolph Hilter”
You “That’s a weird name to pick… but ok, what year is it?”
Sucker “Year 666. The year of our Savior baby!”
You “umm, ha-ha… yeah. What bar are we in?”
Sucker “Pub Al Qaeda.”
You “Jesus Christ.”
Pretend to have a brain fart.
You “…Wait, What number question was that?”
Now, if the sucker falls for your act and answers genuinely, you win since he/she answered correctly to one of the your questions. If the sucker smells the bullshit and answers incorrectly, move on to question number five.
You “Aw, shit! Have you played this game before?”
99.99999999% of the time the sucker will defensively, and honestly, answer “no!” and you’ll win the bet.
Now, the first three questions don’t matter – they are simply a distraction. The reason this works is because the last two questions are designed to exploit human altruism and the human ego. When you pretend to genuinely ask about what question you’re on, helpful people will naturally give you the answer. On the other hand, an egotistical and proud person will quickly jump to their own defense when you question their wit, which is why they are susceptible to the fifth question. So, if you don’t get them with question four, you’ll almost certainly get them with number five. If you make this bet with a girl and she falls for question four, compliment that sweetheart for being so supportive. If you get her on five, tease her for being a cold – hearted egomaniac (bitch).
4. Three shots vs. three pints – Again the rules are simple – simplicity is a sucker’s calling card: challenge the sucker that he can’t finish 3 shots before you can finish 3 pints; loser pays for the drinks and the winner’s next round. Explain that neither opponent can touch any of the other’s cups and you get to start first.
The key here is to really sell this as a “fair bet”- best way to do this is to previously convince the sucker that you are a bras