14 Ways Not to Get a Girl | College Life
1. “Iʼll Facebook you.” AKA: I want to stalk you, look at your pictures, and daydream about being with you since I know I donʼt have a shot in hell. Those three words reek of desperation, fellas, and they make you look like you arenʼt capable of socializing unless itʼs through liking statuses, commenting on pictures, and spending endless hours wishing you had more people to interact with in real life. Get to know this chick the old- fashioned way – face to face conversation. It gets easier every time you try. I promise.
2. Grinding is an essential part of partying, right? Wrong. Itʼs amazing how far a little consideration can go. Even if youʼre raving drunk, have the decency to ask a girl to dance before you come up behind her, grab whatever is available, and act like an animal. Itʼs just common respect. And…it will score you some chivalry brownie points.
3. Do not, for the love of God, talk about the clubs youʼre in, the fraternity you belong to, or about any random associations us girls have absolutely no clue about. Bragging can be useful in some situations, but when you start going off about things we honestly donʼt give a shit about or have never heard of, we lose interest real fast. If you ﬁnd common ground, great. Go with it. But until you do, keep your ego in check.
4. Be direct when asking for a girlʼs number. Donʼt come up with one of the thousands of lame ass excuses to get her digits. Lines like: “Let me get your number so we can let each other know about the best parties” or “Iʼm new to this scene and need a friend who knows the ropes” are a round about way of saying, “I am a huge wuss and will never have the courage to ﬂat out tell you that youʼre hot, and I want to get together sometime.” Donʼt assume we know what youʼre thinking. Most of the time we do, but we enjoy watching you struggle and making an idiot out of yourself.
5. Pick up lines, unless they are genuine compliments and youʼre not trashed, donʼt work. Ever. Pet names…like baby, honey, darlin,ʼ anything you think is endearing but really isnʼt…scream douche if you whisper it in our ear. So, moral of the story, donʼt even try using them. Theyʼre bound to fail.
6. Hovering is not attractive. We can see you lurking in the shadows however sneaky youʼre trying to be, and honestly, itʼs just creepy as hell. We donʼt ﬁnd you mysterious as you wait for an opportunity to approach us. We ﬁnd you to be a perv, antisocial, and ﬂat out strange.
7. When you come up to us and ask to dance, make sure the ﬁrst thing out of your mouth is not “Iʼm so drunk” or “Iʼm so high.” I mean, seriously, how are we supposed to feel that you will only come up to us when youʼre an intoxicated mess or in a fog of confusion. Doesnʼt boost our self conﬁdence, and certainly doesnʼt entice us to dance with you.
8. You do not, I repeat, do not, always have to act all macho and shit. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take the girlsʼ lead if you notice she is interested. You may be surprised how outgoing we can be, and how, when you let us ﬂirt on our terms, we enjoy the chase.
9. Do not mention school in any way, shape, or form. Granted, no one will probably be able to understand you anyway with slurred speech, but everyone at a party is there to have a good time, to forget that responsibility exists, and to completely lose track of everything they are avoiding. If you start talking about a class or discussion as an icebreaker, you need to know from the get-go that youʼre pretty much fucked.
10. If you try to get in good relations with this chickʼs friends before you make a move, you have already shot yourself in the foot. It makes you look like a conniving brown- noser seeking approval and reinforcement for your manliness, and in all honesty, shows you donʼt have the balls to just be yourself and prove to this girl that you are worth her time.
11. Big hint! Do not ever just “hint” at going “home” with someone if you obviously have alternate intentions. You need to be upfront about your plans for the night, and if you intend to get some, itʼs better to set the parameters before you walk her home. It will save you disappointment and will show the girl that you respect her enough to be a gentleman and not go against her wishes. Being drunk complicates all of this, so, bottom line, just be smart and donʼt be a jerk.
12. Do not go in thinking you will get lucky tonight. If you go in with a cocky attitude, it
will backﬁre every time. Us woman are smart. We know when youʼre playing the role of
a conceited dick, and we will ignore you to take you down a few notches. So, prepare
for rejection, just go to a party and have fun, and you may be pleasantly surprised by
the girls who are attracted to your more quiet and relaxed conﬁdence.
13. Do not try to pick up a chick with a wing man. Bromances, when you are trying to
impress a girl, are not cute. They are annoying as hell and make you look weak and
unable to think for yourself. No girl wants that in her man. And, seriously, if you ﬁnish
each otherʼs sentences or share inside jokes, do it in private. The twin thing is a turn off.
14. Donʼt ask to get a girl a drink. Itʼs a party for gods sake, and alcohol is plentiful. We
are fully capable of ﬁlling our cups with beer without male intervention, and anyway, we
all know that you are only offering to help us get trashed. If you want to ask us out for a
drink or coffee during the week, or dinner sometime, then we can talk. Until then, fuck
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