People you're friends with on Facebook…. Unfortunately
The Single Mom:
Doesn’t it seem like all of your friends are getting knocked up these days? Whatever happened to birth control, condoms, or for lack of a better contraceptive; getting pushed down a flight of stairs? Don’t get me wrong, congrats for getting through with the whole nine months of sobriety thing. However, please don’t go flaunting that little fucker all over my news feed. To be honest, I don’t even blame you; your friends are the ones who’ve encouraged this “proud mom syndrome” from the get go. OMG TOO EFFIN CUTE, I WANT ONE For real, this isn’t Teen Mom, and that poor bastard isn’t a puppy. The phrase “”your mom goes to college” just got a lot less funny, and a whole lot more common.
How much money does Mark Zuckerberg pay you to be a facebook model? Better yet, how many antidepressants does your father take so he can sleep at night? Nothing says “proud father”, like discovering a half-naked picture of your daughter, on display, for all to see.”I’m not even naked!!!” Congratulations Cinnamon, (or whatever your stage name is) thumbs up for keeping it classy. By the way, can you honestly say that you personally know everyone on your friends list? Who knows, one of those so-called friends could be fapping away to your default picture as we speak. But hey, it’s only creepy if you get caught… right?
We all know that you like getting your swell on, that you like hitting the tanning beds, and that you like an occasional ass pounding; No Big Deal. If a high school girl liking one of your 60 shirtless mirror shots gets you through the day, then so be it. Honestly though, no one gives a fuck about how much use you get out of your gym membership. My advice for a facebook tool; get a friend to take a picture of you… this myspace shit just makes you look sad and lonely.
The Annoying Couple:
Aww, how cute are you two? The annoying couple story is always the same song and dance. As soon as Joe Douchebag, and Sarah Sucksalot make it facebook official… shit gets real. Two weeks in to this fairytale, and the crazies are already throwing around the L word. Before you know it, these two love birds have the exact same default picture. The laws of nature have been broken; these two – already fucked up individuals – have just successfully morphed into one bat-shit-crazy mess. Don’t you worry though; shit will eventually hit the fan. And when it does, we’ll all be able to witness the splatter.
The Fat Houdini:
I’m not going to get caught up in the details, just be careful guys. As soon as you let you’re dick do the thinking, you’ll find yourself “poking” a gargoyle. Word of the wise, don’t always judge a chick by her default picture (ladies same goes for you).
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