So, I decided to dedicate Thursday’s to comments/stories that I’ve discovered while digging through internet threads (dry yourselves off ladies because I already know that internet thread digging isahuge turn on these days). Anyways, this week’s “thread treasure” is a fucking gem. Not only is the content great, but it’s a good old fashioned twofer (two for one). Just a little heads up, for those of you who don’t want to hear about penis related injuries, feel free to hit the back button now (just make sure you click that like button on your way out… I mean, atleastI was nice enough to give you a heads up). As I was saying, you’re about to be enlightened on the the side effects that jalapeño pepper has on sensitive skin areas, and you’re also going to be educated on the consequences of using toothpaste as a lubricant has on the male anatomy. Enjoy![compliments of AskReddit's comment section. Link to thread]
Question: What is something you’ve tried and wouldn’t recommend to anyone?
Jalapeño pepper story:
“My dad once told me he had been handling hot peppers from the garden and forgot to wash his hands before peeing. I was 9 so I didn’t really believe that it could have hurt all that much, and a few days later, I went out to the garden and touched a pepper, then my dick, and nothing happened.
I broke the pepper open and basically rubbed my junk with it for a few seconds and still nothing.
Just as I was about to declare my dad mentally incompetent, all hell broke loose. Searing pain engulfed the head and shaft of my boyhood, unrelieved by liters and liters of water (some of it my own tears). I started rubbing the amber bar of Dial soap up and down my dick so hard and fast that I got half an erection. The commotion was enough to send my dad running. He walked in on me in tears, furiously washing my mini-boner, my yellow shorts (with the blue and white stripes down the sides, so boss) pulled halfway to my ankles, screaming my head off, and asked what happened. All I said was that I touched a hot pepper, and that was enough. He gave one of those inhaled “shhhhh” sounds, said “ooooohhhhhh!”, and kept my sister from entering the bathroom to see what was up. Finally, Satan released his jaws from my cock and it became time to change my clothes and lie down under the covers.
I’ve had heart surgery, I had all four wisdom teeth out at once, and I was awake for my vasectomy. The aftermath of each of those things included a fair amount of pain. Never in my life, though, have I experienced anything akin to the time I fucked a jalapeño.
10/10 pain. No I would NOT recommend this to a friend.”
Using toothpaste as lube (part 1):
Toothpaste is not lubricant to be used for any kind of sexual activity, including masturbation. Trust me, it feels all minty and weird and fun, but if you do it several times it makes your penis skin as thin as a very thinly sliced piece of penis skin.
Using toothpaste as lube (part 2):
“it makes your penis skin as thin as a very thinly sliced piece of penis skin.
Great analogy there.
EDIT: OW FUCK OW FUCK OW FUCK!
Despite Spadinskiz’s clear warnings, my dumb-ass just decided to go try fapping with toothpaste.
First of all to be fair I was just browsing /r/NSFW and I was in ‘that kinda mood’ okay? So what better opportunity to try something curious.
Spadinskiz wasn’t kidding, here’s how it went down:
I locked myself in the bathroom and applied a generous serve of thick blue toothpaste to my hand and took the plunge. I grabbed my cock and started rubbing.
“Hmm, this is kinda nice.”
“Not too bad! I might consider doing this again in the future!”
“Wow it’s really thick for lube, this feels great! Thanks Spadinskiz!”
“Ooh it is minty… Niiice. Really cool feeling on my penis’ head, especially around the rim. This is weird and fun!”
“Woah, really minty.”
“Ok, that’s enough mint. Settle down.”
“Woah there, getting a little stingy…”
“Is toothpaste a mild abrasive?”
“Maybe I can just finish, ill rub harder and faster to just get it over with. Maybe rub some on my balls too.”
“I’ve made a huge mistake.”
“It’s like a blow job from a tiny shark.”
“Thousands of sharp tiny teeth.”
“Feels extremely hot. It’s fucking burning.”
“Balls are stinging like mad. Fuck this shit.”
I get out of my clothes and jump in the shower. Blast cold water on to my cock.
“Ahhhhh yessss that feels fucking refreshing.”
“Fun times over let’s clean this toothpaste off.”
“Oh god it hurts to rub it off”
“What the fuck?”
My dick and nuts were all blue from the paste but as I clean it off I’m revealing the extent of the damage.
“It looks like badly sunburnt skin. It’s all red now, and still hurts like fuck!”
“Oh fuck it’s peeling off!”
“White flakes of dick skin oh god”
“Literally crying now.”
Finally get all of it off and I’m still stinging like crazy.
“I’m in the shower I can’t resist the urge to pee. I always pee in the shower.”
“OH FUCK IT FEELS LIKE MY DICK IS BREATHING FIRE!!”
Fuck this. Get out, dry off, rub Vaseline all over my frank n’ beans.
Continue to sting with searing pain like never experienced before. Oh my god dude.
I fear that my penis skin has really been sliced as thin as a very thinly sliced piece of penis skin.
Never doing that again. Heed these warnings fellow penis owners! Don’t use toothpaste as wank lube Spadinskiz was right. And I didn’t even finish.
[Reddit user jqrd4n]
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