Walking Home by Yourself: Mr. Solo Dolo | College Parties
Ok so its 2:30 the next day, your “catch of the night” is no where to be found and after Ragin hard your pretty fucked up. Pounding that last beer before you left…..probably wasn’t the best idea. If your not black out by now, your night of holding back your drunkness is OVER!! Your boys are all gone off with potential bunk bed mates and you need to make it back home. Do them a favor, don’t call them for a ride suck it up and admit it’s time to walk home.
Lesson 1-If it’s Open Ditch It!
This one is self-explanatory. Don’t have anything in your hand that smells like alcohol. Even if nothing is in the cup. Nothing says freshmen more than you being surrounded by 4 DPS cars and 2 Sheriff County cars as all of Euclid sees you get breathalyzed and given an $35 Open Container ticket. You thought you were slick trying to hide one beer but lets be real DPS has nothing better to do but to find that one beer. Still want to be a bad ass?
Lesson 2- Go with the Flow
Everyone knows halfway home, the world seems to tilt for no apparent reason. Signs Of Apocalypse you say? Nope it’s drunk o’clock and your body is trying to give out. GUESS WHAT, you can’t let that happen by any means. Pull the sand out of your Vagina and make a real attempt to walk straight. Remember this motto “Fake it til you make it” If you ever had to be nice to a water donkey you know what i mean and yes it’s a task. If that can’t cut it, find the nearest off street. A good Ol’ Puke N Rally will do the trick. Not the best idea but damn it works.
Lesson 3- Be social
No one likes the staggering drunk, non-talking, non-cool drunk guy. You meet some pretty cool or interesting people when you are hammered. You won’t remember their names, but hey they were your best friends for a couple minutes and they’ll give you the party address for tomorrow.
Lesson 4- Be on the Prowl
From the time the party ends there is a 15 to 30 minute window of scooping the ground ball so to speak. Drunk girls are everywhere and you look like the next Brad Pitt and Will Smith on Euclid. Play your cards right and you’ll get your turn up to bat. Let them do the talking and you just don’t make a drunken fool out of yourself.
Lesson 5- Dealing with the “Boys”
Don’t end of story. You stay out of their way and you’ll have a successful night for sure. All it takes is one slip up of you not “faking-it-til-you-make-it” and bam, there goes your night
I hope this helps out your future drunken escapades, because for the past 3 years I’ve used this technique every night I go out, granted my night might end with me using my tears as lube for when I’m masturbate, but all and all… it was a damn good night.~Kuddi