College: How To Know When You’re Officially Broke
Remember when you first arrived on your college campus and you were loaded with cash from your trunk/going-away party? Remember when you were ballin’ from your birthday party sophomore year?
Now that they’ve passed; these good times feel so far away, especially now that you are considering selling your body in the student center because you are among the “elite” fraternity of broke college students.
Here are some signs that you are broker than you realize.
You’ve started to regularly budget for laundry- Times are rough when you have to count quarters. Every week or so, you forget to include laundry costs in your expenses because three dollars aren’t a concern to someone who has a sufficient amount of money. Those rare times of the month (usually around the first) when money is tight, you make a conscious effort to gather as many quarters as you can. It is a rough time for you because you know that you wouldn’t have to fall to such lows if rent wasn’t so high. You know that you are broke, but you pray that you are able to get some change so that other people won’t notice you wearing the same shirt for a week straight.
Hot Dog or Ramen? Pick your poison: Both hotdogs and ramen can be delicious treats… Every once in a while. Who knows what are the exact contents of a hotdog or how bad a steady diet of processed noodles are? But neither are complete meals; separate or together. There is a reason both of these food products are extremely cheap. It’s bad enough that you are consuming these foods in bulk yourself, but it is even worse to consider cooking these for a romantic interest at ANY time.
You always have the next round– I think we all have that friend who doesn’t spend much money when they go out. People who have pocket lint for currency usually master this technique pretty quickly. Staying in the house on weekends is a sorrowful experience, but staying in the house on weekends when you are broke can drive one to some dark, depressing places. If you have been a good friend in the past, your clan won’t worry about some of the charges you have incurred during a night on the town (but don’t make it a habit). Just tell them to live up to their claims of really “doing anything for you.”
Your now believe that your parents are A**holes- Your memories of all the times they let you borrow money will not be a good thing when they stop. You are a grown ass individual but you feel that you are still their son/daughter so they have an obligation to help you. No matter how many times they have helped you in the last month, the next time you are broke you think it is their responsibility to keep you afloat. When your parents finally realize that you are an ungrateful, unyielding financial abyss, you will undoubtedly hate them for making you hit it hard on your own for a while.
You increase/start visits to the blood/sperm bank: Nothing says broke college student like the regulars of the local blood bank. Although it is a viable and simple way to earn some cash, as well as providing a service to the general public in some way, it is also viewed as a cop out. Why can’t you just get a job? Do you not have any skills you could monetize? Forget those questions. Can those questions pay for a round of shots for the trio of cheerleaders at the bar? At the end of the day, do what helps you survive and have a good time.