Facebook, What To Do When Randoms Send You Friend Requests
Close your eyes and imagine this, well okay don’t close your eyes because how would you read this? Just imagine this, you log into your Facebook, two messages, 3 notifications (but one of them is a comment on your photo by your aunt saying “Oh sweety this is so cute, miss you, how are you?”), so that doesn’t really count, and then there is–a new friend request. Could this be that girl from the club that you talked to for 45 minutes? Could it be Eminem trying to add you after listening to your mix-tapes about how much you love vegetables?Not likely. Hell maybe it’s your dad who left when you were 3 to get a few scratch offs and a gallon of milk–the cereal must be stale by now! All of these would be acceptable, so you take a deep breath, click the friend button and see a request from “Nadia Springfield” this certainly isn’t the girl from the club because she’s not half Asian. Obviously not Eminem because of obvious reasons. Now this might be your dad but the level of plastic surgery and quality only exists in Star Trek and Nip/Tuck.
So who is this person? Why does she want to be friends with you? Is this destiny?
Before you add this person maybe you should do some research. What are her favorite movies and music? Does she like that obscure TV show about as community college that you also really like?
So you go to her page and notice you have a mutual friend. It’s that guy who seems like to a bunch of your witty statuses! Maybe she was with him and saw what you had to say about the government and totally agreed with you! And then thought you were really cute! Maybe this really is destiny! And oh goodness now that you start looking she’s pretty easy on the eyes and really likes the rap alter ego of one of the stars of that show about the community college which really needs more viewers, but now you’re digressing too much.
Okay here goes everything. This could be the beginning of the rest of your life. Right here in this Starbucks you may have just found your soul mate. You click add. This is where patience goes into play. You have to play it cool. Let her come to you. Days pass, it’s been almost a week and no response but you’ve liked all her statuses and the picture she posted of her cat being silly, because let’s face it the cat was being kind of silly. And maybe one day she will post pictures of your kids being silly!
The one week mark passes and so you decide to message her, it’s time for your time to shine, make sure to show self-worth, and be calm cool and collected!
“Oh hey, hi hello, you’re really cute, I see we like the same things! And so like I guess that’s why you added me, maybe we can talk sometime maybe if you want”
Seconds after it’s sent she sees it, maybe you should log off, you had no idea she was online, here it is, the culmination of a week’s worth of work. And there she is typing, it’s too long of a time for her to type “who are you?” maybe you’re in the clear. DING! In comes the message.
“Hey! You’re really cute! Wanna see my on cam? Bit.ly/totallyporn”
And your heart sinks.
Okay now open your eyes, take a deep breath and say to yourself “If someone, that I don’t know, ever adds me on Facebook the best option is to not accept it, ever.”