Welcome to The CaveMan’s Man Cave! Take off your pants, let out your gas, and relax. There are three rules, and only three rules, in the Cave!
First off, don’t be a bitch! This one couldn’t be any simpler; don’t bring up your feelings, don’t come seeking advice on where to find that cozy little inn with just the right atmosphere for your first date, and don’t complain to me about anything you might sit in.
Second, and it’s simple, don’t tell your girlfriend everything we talk about. Now I know you probably love your girlfriend, and don’t need to keep anything from her; but not everyone is so lucky, some of us need to dodge danger every once in a while! If you explain any tricks or secrets to your girlfriend, she’ll tell her girlfriend, who’ll tell her girlfriend, and it won’t be long before all the girls know them. Then the rest of us will need new tricks, since it’s apparently “inappropriate” now, to use some good old fashioned club induced amnesia.
The Third rule, is a little thing civilized society calls, reciprocity. What this means is, you can grab a brew from the fridge, get comfy, drink up; just remember to bring some drinks for me once in a while. Now, that doesn’t mean wine, or pale ales; save your fruity flavored cocktails for Wednesday night watching Bridezilla with the wife, in the Cave we drink lagers and hard liquor.
This brings me to the first drop of knowledge I’m going to share with you. I’ve heard a rumor going around in polite circles; “the suit makes the man”. While, some might want to maintain this fallacy, it is a long held secret, privy only to those entrusted to keep the truth; it is in fact the drink that makes the man. More than any other factor in life it’s a man’s drink of choice which truly defines who he is.
There’s a reason Homer Simpson only buys generic domestic beer; why cowboys swig whisky, and The Dude, abides with a white Russian. Even Sean Connery’s rugged charms couldn’t save James Bond, if 007 were sipping strawberry daiquiris. Think about that the next time you’re at the bar, sheepishly waiting to order, who do you want to be? Are you the rugged badass shooting a double whiskey or the sophisticated socialite conversing over a gin and tonic? Maybe you’ll even down a Duck Fart and be a Caveman. So, what are you drinking?
Stay tuned for first official advice column later on in the week! Leave me a “like”, comment below, and grab the trash as you leave.