Funny Pick Up Lines that Will Work
First off, let me make it completely clear that there’s no pick up line out there that can solely get you laid. Pick-up lines are not meant to serve as incantations for seduction, but rather are to elicit some type of emotional reaction from your target. Usually, the goal is to evoke a positive response such as hilarity, amusement or flattery, yet a negative emotional response may not necessarily be a bad thing. The point is to grab their attention by making them feel something towards you – even if it’s initially negative, once her emotions are roused they can always be redirected. What you want to avoid at all costs is indifference; it is a seducers greatest enemy. Basically, once you are labeled as “just another creeper”, you’re fucked.
Your pick up line should leave an impression and separate you from crowd. That’s it. What really matters is what you say after the pick up line, or emotional response. It’s all about how you respond to their response: if they laugh, simply role with it and keep building rapport and trust; if they show anger or take offense, never be defensive or contrite, instead keep a smile on, let them know you meant no harm and are just having a little fun, and understand that you need to tone down the aggression in this case; And if they act indifferent or show little response, you should just move on – you’re pick up line failed.
Pick up lines are all about the delivery – it’s not so much what you say, but how you say it. Never use a pick up line you’re not completely confident with. If you try to half-ass a line that is out of your comfort zone, it will fail 100% of the time. Also, remember that you don’t need “lines” at all – just confidence and some basic social skills – but they can be hilarious and make ‘the game’ more fun.
Here are some of my favorite pick up lines (I’ve actually successfully used most of them) split up into three categories: Openers, Responses and Mid-conversation.
“So are you ready to hook up or do you need more shots?”– Won’t work on everyone, but there’s time, place and type for this one.
“Question: Do you think guys think with their dicks? (Yes). Ok, you’re probably right, but aren’t you girls somewhat to blame since you blow our minds?”– Fun little pun on words…cause if I think with my dick and you “blow my mind”, that would mean that you’d be “blowing” my dick!!!…GET IT?!?! BAHAHAHAHA…
“Fuck me if I’m wrong, but have we met before?”– This one works best if you’ve already made eye contact with your target and sense she’s somewhat into you.
“Excuse me miss, can you please stop? It’s starting to get out of hand… (Stop what?). Stop being so damn cute. I’ve been listening to those guys over there talk about the (Insert specific compliment- Ex. “blonde cutie”, “smoke show in the pink top”, “sexy mamacita”, ect.) for the last hour, they’re really starting to get gross and I’m just sick of hearing it at this point…” – the key is to switch your tone and expression from serious to facetious and playful.
(Acting as if it’s an emergency) “Excuse me, could you hold this for me real quick.” (Hand off your drink without giving her time to respond, start to scurry away, but then turn around and smile at her confused expression to let her know it’s a joke.) “Just kidding, well aren’t you a sweetheart?”– This one is all about timing and strategy. Check out her surroundings to make sure she’s available.
“You know, it’s impolite to stare…” – If a group of girls keep looking at you and your friends, don’t be shy. Just make sure you smile so they know you’re teasing them.
“Bet you 20 bucks you’re going to shut me down.” – if she thinks you’re cute she’ll giggle and may even flirt with you about owing her money. If she doesn’t, you’re kinda fucked.
“Hi, listen, my name is (Insert) and I promise I’m not your typical creep. I really need your help. My ex-girlfriend is here with another guy and I hate it. You girls are easily the hottest girls here and all I ask is that you let me buy you a couple rounds and pretend to flirt with me for a little while. I promise, no funny business. You girls get free drinks in exchange for your slight acting skills for a few minutes and I’ll be out of your hair.”– Doesn’t have to be word for word, but you should get the gist. You have to really sell this one; if they smell bullshit, you’ll be seen as a deceitful weasel with an insidious pick up line. It’s more of an indirect approach since your intentions are hidden, and you’re completely full of shit so you’ll have to keep up the act for the entire interaction. Don’t genuinely hit on them at all; always have the situation revolve around “the ex girlfriend” and let the targets slowly win you over and get your mind off your “ex”. Side note: Its best to have the ‘ex-girlfriend’ be someone you know who’s willing to play wing (wo) man for you. This way ‘the ex’s’ jealous gaze can come into play, further validating your story.
“Excuse me ladies, help me settle a debate: Doesn’t that shirt make my buddy look like pedophile (or whatever) ?”– The point here is to show you’re a fun-loving, outgoing ball buster. You’re focusing more on messing with your friend rather than sexual interest in them – you come off as harmless.
“I almost wore that same outfit out tonight…”– A goofy joke that works like a charm for breaking the ice. If this one goes over her head, move on. She’s obviously a moron.
These are just a few responses to have in the bag when she’s on the offensive.
If she questions you’re abilities in the sack:
You can take the funny route…
“Baby, it’ll be the best three pumps of your life”
OR you could be a bit more aggressive…
“Bitch, there’s only going to be seven planets left after I destroy Uranus.”
If she questions your dick size:
“Tiny dick, huh? Put out your hand if you’re so curious.” – Don’t worry; even if you got a tiny pecker, she’ll very rarely call you out on your bluff.
Her “How big is your dick?”
You “How big is your mouth?” – If she gets vulgar, come back twice as crude; she started it.
If she says you smell good:
Funny: “That’s weird, I actually just farted…”
Funnier: “Thank you. You smell really nice too. Is that…*sniff*sniff*… ‘I hate my father’ fragrance by Chanel?” – This one might get some mixed emotions, but it’s always good for a selfish laugh.
These are just some funny ‘one-liner’s’ you can drop when you’re mid-engagement, or not.
“My love for you is like Diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in” – You definitely don’t have to use this one, but it can be funny if you’re immature, shameless and desperate for a joke.
“Did you just fart? Cause you just blew me away.”– Goofy, corny and a little gross. It’s fun.
“For what it’s worth…As long as I keep having a face, you’ll always have a place to sit.” – Aggressive and crude, but pretty funny. Make sure you’ve already established a solid comfort level and it’s relevant; don’t just go blurting this out of the blue within the first 5 minutes like an ignoramus.
“I like your tattoo’s. What do they mean?” – if a girl has multiple tattoos (like, more than 5), 99% of the time at least a few hold sentimental meaning to her. Ask her about them. Great way to build rapport and learn about her.
“Wanna know how I know that we’re having sex tonight? Cause I’m stronger than you…” – This one is completely hit or miss and very risky. If she see’s the humor in the joke, she’ll respond uproariously to the shocking comment. However, if she pauses and ponders the joke for too long, she will inevitably come to the conclusion that you did indeed just make a joke about rape and it may ruin the entire encounter. But, in that case, whatever…if she can’t take a joke, then fuck her.
And for the record, a real rapist would never make that joke; it’d be too ironically unbecoming.
Remember: No matter what you say, it’s all about delivery and attitude. One line will never make or break you.