How to Get Laid at a Festival

1) Wear a funny but not desperate costume.



It’s no secret that women love to laugh and the best is when it’s at the man’s expense. If you are clever enough to come up with something original and funny you will easily get the keys to the lady kingdom. And since women are open to a variety of interpretations many costumes will work. A really well done care bear look on an extra tall man will certainly guarantee some random hugs. Also try going for your own boyhood dream and let the ladies know. If you floss that batman the way you would have when you were 10, all those ladies that were hoping to be swept up by Christian Bale’s arms might just think you are him so both of your dreams come true.

2) Dance!


Photo By Pikelz

Photo By Pikelz

Dance Dance party in my pants!! Ok, you might not want to scream that phrase but trust me NO ONE wants to dance alone.  Even if you are the worst dancer and look like you are having a seizure as you try to find the beat it’s still better than standing still.  Being a wallflower at a festival isn’t even possible.  If you aren’t shaking or moving no one will even notice you amid the chaos.  YOU MUST DANCE!!  At the heart of festival culture is a sense of freedom. (Why else would everyone being wearing flags?) You need to embrace this not only with your mind but also you B-O-D-Y. If it takes some liquid courage or pressed powders to get you going, do it.  Before you know it some sexy pikcachu or rainbow goddess might just Back all dem Assets up on you.

3) Smile!


Vibe it out.  A huge part of any event music or otherwise is the vibe.  You are an important part of that vibe.  If you want to have fun and get freaky you must smile.  Smiling actually relaxes the muscles in your face so even if you are tired or annoyed forcing a smile is a natural pick me up.  It will also say to the world and the ladies that you are non-threatening and happy.  I don’t know about everybody but sadness isn’t a turn on for me.  If your smile catches someone’s attention-Go say hi!!  Maybe it will end there but maybe you guys will share some good vibes all the way to the sack.

4) Have something to share.


Free hugs...that'll do.

Free hugs…that’ll do.

Sure you can go the old route of buying something for that girl with the sexy rave booty you can’t wait to touch but it’s just not personal.  If you have something that is already yours its way more thoughtful than waiting in line to get some budget beer.  Maybe you see that those hot pants are making this ravette cold, offer your bat cape or hoodie tied around you waist.  Just cause you’re outside covered in mud doesn’t mean that you can’t be a gentleman. Perhaps you scored some quality sid that you snuck into the festival that you were hoping to drop why not ask Miss hotpants? I can’t speak for all the ladies but I know expanding my mind often make my body follow.  With most trips lasting about 8 hours there will be plenty of time to get to know each other and make a move.  Of course this dose run the risk of going the other way into a dark, dark place but hey- YOLO…right?
5) Ignore your phone.
We are all guilty of this crime.  Stop it.   You know you are.  Mostly, it’s a nervous habit or the power of suggestion that makes you compulsively check your phone so knock it off.  Whether you learn it from Buddha, Yoga or some self help book living in the moment is key to getting laid.  You cannot bag a beauty if you are looking up the bball score or checking your boring facebook feed.  you are hear now surrounded by barely dressed ladies someone might be staring you down while you tweet about having a good time.  You idiot. HAVE A GOOD TIME.
6) Don’t “turn up” TOO much
Mario Turnt Up
This is mostly for amateurs but important enough to be said.  Do not go from robust superman to puking kyptonite and expect Lois Laine to want to cuddle up.  Even if all your intentions are well meaning anybody “too turnt” is creepy. Not to mention that even if you found you “too turnt” partner in crime and affairs of the heart you could easily have an equipment malfunction. Good luck on recovering from that!  Likely the next day you will  spend half of it looking for you lost phone and cancelling your lost credit cards.  HUGE PARTY FOUL PLAYA.  You must always know you limits and stay in the lines.
Photos via [Mysteryland USA]

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