In life, society can be broken down by two demographics; the haves, and the have nots (a.k.a. the fat cats and the underprivileged). Being that most of us fall under the latter, it’s a fair assessment to say that we deserve our slice of the pie too. Let’s be honest, not all of us have the luxury of being some big shot gas station owner. However, while Richy Rich is over there stuffing his Hollywood britches full of money, I’ve devised and tested a fool proof plan on how to score some free—late night booze from his gas station.
Step 1.) The waiting game:
The only downfall to this plan is that you have to wait until the store can no longer legally sell booze. In the meantime, you should hit up a bar that doesn’t have a cover charge, and then take full advantage of all the unfinished drinks that are left unattended. Fat cats these days rarely finish their drinks.
Step 2.) Head down to the gas station:
After getting your free buzz on at the bar, it should be just about the time where gas stations or package stores can no longer legally sell alcohol.
Step 3.) It’s go time.
Now that you’ve arrived at your target destination—stumble into the store—while making sure that you give off the impression that you’re extremely intoxicated. Granted, this might take a bit of acting, but practice makes perfect. To help really sell the performance, it’s in your best interest to be super friendly with the cashier. Don’t be afraid to slur your words.
Step 4.) The beer cooler:
Make your way to the beer cooler and grab the strongest shit they have. If this is your first time, I recommend grabbing a Four Loko. Beggars can’t be choosers.
Step 5.) Start chugging:
Crack that sucker open and start chugging while you slowly walk to the counter. If you walk slow enough and drink fast enough, by the time you get to the counter ,the drink should be just about empty.
Step 6.) The confrontation:
When you arrive at the counter, the cashier will be dumb founded by the fact that you had the audacity to drink before paying. Regardless, pull out your wallet to give off the impression that you planned on paying for the product. However, given the strict laws forbidding the sale of alcohol after the legal time frame, the cashier will not be able to charge you for your drink that you pretty much already consumed.
Step 7.) Apologize:
Don’t be an asshole once you get denied the sale because it’s not like you planned on paying for it anyways. Simply apologize to the cashier and say that you had no idea that they weren’t allowed to sell alcohol after ___ AM. As long as you seem sincere, the cashier will chalk this one up as just some really drunk person who’s not familiar with state/county laws. If anything, the cashier now has a funny story that they can share with their co-workers, and they’ll send you on your way.
Step 8.) Repeat:
If you’re still feeling frisky, feel free to hit up the next closest gas station. It may be late, but your night has just begun.