How To Determine What To Watch On Netflix

Okay so it’s a Tuesday night, you’re low on money, you just ate the biggest bowl of Cap’n Crunch, you’re already in your PJ’s there seems to be only 2 apparent options for you.

1) Finish the work you’ve been putting off since last Tuesday

2) Watch Netflix
The problem, however, is that you only have about two hours before you should get to sleep because it’s already 2:30 in the morning and you need to be up at 8. Let’s be honest, you’re not going to do that work until you know you’re going to bring someone home and you really don’t want them to think you’reacomplete sloth so the real problem is the 2 hour limit. Now that’s plenty of time to watch 4 episodes of a normal tv show, 1 movie or 3ish episodes of really long shows but that doesn’t include the amount of time it takes to find something to watch. Which normally comes out to be: W=OxDN

The amount of time it takes for you to find something to watch (W), being equal to, the amount of Options (O) multiplied by the Day (D) to the power of what time it is (N). I hope you didn’t fail algebra because this is basic math and it’s very important! So you have to figure out the most efficient way to find something to watch, let’s out rule the option of IMDB, Wikipedia and watching movie trailers. That’s a whole different time sink we don’t want to fall into. You may allow yourself 5 minutes to wait for someone to reply to your numerous tweets, statuses, vines, intagrams and tumble’s of asking people what you should watch on Netflix, but if you are willing to wait don’t automatically out rule any of the suggested options, if you want to be picky post of criteria beforehand. If all of your seeds bare no fruit it’s time to finally break it down to a virtual game of bobbing for apples.

Think of every category as a different bucket of apples. The “popular on Netflix” bucket is probably the safest due to the juicy selection. However if you’re adventurous maybe you want to try your luck on “late night comedies” full of rotten apples (and tomatoes, WHATS UP!) Every once and a while you will find a gem that will stand the test of time, or that will at least allow you to get your jollies (everyone knows what you’re doing watching a movie called Slutty Slut Slut Goes To College, I doubt it’s good except for the small Joseph Gordon Levitt cameo).

As you continue the quest you will go past the “comedies” barrel, a classic stand by, and the “action” and “sci-fi” barrels are great fun as well. WARNING! Avoid the “New to Netflix”, “Recently Added” and “Because You Liked” barrels, they are normally dead ends that are a huge time sink. You really don’t need to know that they added Daddy Day Care 3: All Grown Up. And an absolute bigger warning would be to avoid anything that makes you think this at all costs “Oh that’s that show I’ve been really wanting to get into and omg look they have all 14 seasons!”, because you will lose your social life for the next month, and is that really worth a night of fun? Not watching new tv shows at 2:30 in the morning is like wearing a condom, you’re saving yourself from being busy for years! With the idea to be decisive and the options set in front of you, you might just find yourself watching Donnie Darko and becoming “that guy” in no time!