How to have a Problem Free Summer Vacation Tips| Parents as “Roomates”

StevoHave you ever thought in a million years that you would find yourself saying- “I miss school”? Me neither, but do we really miss school; or do we just miss the life that college allowed us to live? I get it; you might miss your friends, the parties, or even that hot chick who sat next to you in accounting. But, can you honestly say that you enjoyed altering your morning masturbation schedule, just so you could go to some bullshit lecture? I didn’t think so. (don’t judge me unless you have a penis)
Now, chances are you’re either A: laughing with me, or B: shaking your head in disgust. For the latter of the two groups, I promise that it only gets more tasteful from here on out. Moving on, if you happen to be stuck living at home this summer, following these 3 steps will get you through to next semester… intervention free.

Step 1: Get a Job
You have recently just weaned yourself off a diet in which consisted of nothing but hot pockets and ramen noodles. Needless to say, for the past 3 weeks, you have been absolutely destroying your mom’s groceries. Let’s face it; you’re parents already have to put up with supporting their son’s/daughter’s Kirstie Alley esque diet. Furthermore, don’t be even more of a douche by making your alcohol expenses one of your parent’s problems as well.

Step 2: Buy your own booze
Hey dick, buy your own fucking beer. Unless pissing your dad off is on your to-do list, then feel free to drink all of his beer. But for the rest of you, it’s about time someone realizes that they are too old to be raiding their parents’ liquor cabinet. Come on, who do you think you’re trying to fool anyways? Blame it your high school days if you want, but we both know that none of those watered down bottles of liquor will get your ass drunk anymore.

Step 3: Lock it up
It’s a Friday night, it’s nice out, and you’ve just had a full night of getting completely BLAMMERD. One problem though, you have totally forgotten that your parents are your “roommates” for the summer. I don’t know about you, but when I stagger into my parents house; I prefer to do it in church mouse fashion. In order to experience a smooth entry, you need to scope out your surroundings before leaving. Don’t get me wrong, my parents know that I like to drink. I just don’t want my drunken antics to be the cause for waking them up at 3 in the morning. With that being said, seeing my dad in his tighty-whities at that 3 AM; not exactly the last image I want to have before falling asleep. On the other hand, I don’t know as if seeing my son trip over a wicker chair, followed by him pissing on some furniture is an image I’d like to fall asleep to either.
-Keith Morgan

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.