Make the Most of Your Time Without Your Significant Other Around
Like every other man that loves his significant other, there is only 1 thing I love more than spending time with her, and it’s not spending time with her. Sure I love the whole making out aspect, the option to put my genitals in or around other genitalia is wonderful! Having someone to trick into drinking the last part of my beer is amazing! But not having someone around when I watch cartoons is breath taking and will always be a moment that I will cherish until the day I die.
So here’s the deal, let’s say in this scenario, you’re me, and your girlfriend leaves for about an hour for class. What do you do? You need to make the most of this time! And you can’t waste a minute of it trying to determine what to do! So let’s get down to it!
Step Uno!) Take those pants off, let the illusion fade, as you slide those jeans slide down your perfectly pale legs (or tan, let’s pretend in this scenario I have wonderfully tanned legs). The loss of pants is the most life changing moment, and should be taken at any and all opportunities.
Step Numero 2!) Listen to that band that she hates! Everyone has that one that their girlfriend just won’t get into, and if you don’t consider yourself one of the few, the proud the brave. For the many out there who aren’t lucky, turn on iTunes or Spotify, and let it blare! Feel free to rock out with no pants on to your favorite tracks without prejudice.
Step Three Y’all) Eat all the food your health conscious girlfriend won’t let you eat! You don’t know how long your stockpile of twinkies will last, and they’re not getting any younger, what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her (unless it’s herpes, that will hurt her.) But please remember to bury the evidence, you don’t want any trace of them to remain, or else prepare for extreme dieting for the next week.
Step Four Loko) Watch as much as you can of your favorite Quentin Tarantino film, within a few days you can finish a movie, and nothing is more satisfying than watching Hitler die while eating twinkies! Go ahead and try to think of something more satisfying.
Step Five) The last and most important thing is to cherish every moment of freedom. I’m not saying relationships are cages, but the single life certainly is closer to the open skies than a relationship, so you might as well take what you can get!