The Neckbeard Checklist | How to be a Neckbeard
So, you’re thinking about living the lifestyle of a euphoric gentle sir? First off, allow me to tip my fedora as I commend you on your decision to separate yourself from the casuals, the sheeple, and the rest of the plebs who wouldn’t understand class if it hit them directly in their bald faces. However, being a neckbeard is not a choice, it’s a lifestyle. Therefore, if you’re serious about this transition, then you’re going to need to learn the basics. Being the nice guy that I am, I have taken it upon myself to outline the steps needed for you to embark on your journey of becoming a full blown neckbeard.
When it comes to living the neckbeard lifestyle, fashion is key. If you can’t dress the part, then why even bother playing the role? Even though the fashion aspect is crucial, fashion is also the easiest facet of the entire process. Shout out to Hot Topic for making the neckbeard wardrobe so accessible. (Scroll Down)
.Fedoras and/or Trilby’s (know the difference)
.Guy Fawkes Mask (should only be worn at protests, internetmemeing, or hat shopping at the mall) .
.Trench coats *Pro tip: combat boots really tie the outfit together.(Scrolldown)
HavingcoolhobbiesHavingcoolhaving cool hobbies is a
Having cool hobbies is a surefire way for you to avoid ever getting friend zoned. Here are some of the more popular hobbies to get you started. .
.My Little Pony
.Magic the Gathering tournaments
.Anime (if you don’t have a waifu, you’re not trying hard enough)
Other than being fashionable and interesting, being a neckbeard also means that you have to be an intellect. However, maintaining an intellectual lifestyle can be a double-edged Katana. The reason being, many fair maidens find intelligence to be rather intimidating. Furthermore, never sacrifice your highbrow lifestyle in fear of being friend zoned. If a girl wants to ditch a good guy such as yourself for some preppy jock, that’s her loss. Regardless, never lose sight of your principles!
- Defend atheism at all cost.
- Exercise your brain, not your body.
- Indulge on chips and soda. .
- Have piss jugs handy so you can maximize your time spent on the internet.
- Protect the honor and dignity of all females on the internet, for it is your duty to be their noble white knight.
- Keep your fedoras close, but your thesaurus closer.