People you’ll regret talking to at a Party | College Party Tips

A college party will usually come to an end for one of two reasons; either the beer is gone, or the cops feel as though a college party is more of a threat to society than the grimy fucks whosteal shit are. With all parking tickets aside, I would just like to take this time to personally thank our “fine” officers of law- for keeping their priorities straight. Getting back, knowing that you have limited party time, why waste any of it talking to someone lame? How about we just save ourselves the effort, and just come up with alistof party goers; who quite frankly, aren’t really worth a fuck between the hours of 10PM – 3AM.DPS

I’ll get the ball rolling, but I’m relaying on you to help make this list official. If you can think of a party attendee who’s worth mentioning, just make note of it in the comments below. You’ll be doing us all a favor…

The DD:
Who would you rather talk to? The person who just fell down a flight of stairs, or the weirdo not drinking at the party? Coming from the guy who’s fallen down his fair share of stairs, I for one would much rather associate with a sloppy drunk. Believe me; I’ve tried to make small talk with a responsible hero before. However, the convo usually ends abruptly after I hear the phrase “No thanks, I’m driving”. Congratulations! Have fun being sober tonight. BTW, I’m not offering you a beer because I want you to jeopardize the safety of your “precious” luggage. Better yet, I’m offering you a beer because your stiff ass needs to
loosen up a bit. For real, even the guy who was responsible for driving around Princess Dianna at least had the moxy (balls) to catch a buzz beforehand. That’s right; homeboy caught a buzz and drove around the fucking Princess of Wales… I think you’ll be okay.

Princess Diana

The Missing Person’s Detective:
Stop worrying about your shit faced friends, and try having a good time for once. For real, no one likes the chick who feels as though it is her duty to be the “matriarch” of the group. You’re honestly better off just associating yourself with one of the DD’s. Who knows, maybe then you’ll find someone who’s willing to listen as to why you chose cock blocking as a major. Regardless, if you happen to be “The Missing Person’s Detective” (MPD), take a gander at just how pathetic you might actually sound MPD

(MPD).Oh my god, have you seen Stephanie anywhere?
.Did you loose her?
(MPD).Yea I was just with her like five minutes ago… now I can’t find her anywhere!
.She’s not drunk is she?
(MPD).Yea she’s wicked drunk! We shared a Four Loko, and I’m pretty sure she drank like two beers!!
.Holy shit! We should probably call the National Guard.
(MPD).Yea I know, I’m like worried that she’s going to hook up with some random guy again.
.Well I hope I run into her then.
(MPD).Wait, do you even know who she is?
.No, what does she look like.
(MPD).She has on black leggings, a North Face jacket, and a pair of Uggs.
. [Pause] Good luck with that. *Walks away*

-Keith Morgan

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.