Just so you know, not by any means am I some sort of strip club extraordinaire. Quite frankly, I’ve only been to a strip club four times in my entire life. However, it doesn’t take many trips to thestripclub until one fully understands the concept of “strip club etiquette” (believe it or not, there is such a thing). Being that I didn’t go to a strip club until I was 22 years old, I walked into one having no prior knowledge of what I had really gotten myself into. For those of you who have yet to experience the full weirdnessthatthe strip club scene has to offer, I have taken it upon myself to give you some tips on what and what not to do while at a gentlemen’s club… enjoy!
Strip Club Etiquette 101:
If you have the guts to go to a strip club while you’re sober, then you have more courage than I do. Personally, going to an establishment where women take their clothes off (for money) requires mass amounts of alcohol. I’m never opposed to seeing naked chicks, but I feel as though I have a lot better control over my erections after pouring some confidence down my head. Regardless, only creepy guys do strip clubs when they’re sober.
Hey, I get it… it’s not as if you’re going to the Taj Mahal. More than likely, your first strip club is going to be some sketchy hole in the wall. However, you haven’t earned the right to wear sweatpants, yet. Customarily, sweatpants are worn by regulars only. Do you honestly think that a
stripper dancer who’s never seen you before is going to feel comfortable grinding up on some stranger wearing sweatpants? Judging by the lack of fabric separating the two of you, I’m going to say no. Besides, you shouldn’t want to dress like a regular, and you most certainly don’t want to become a regular either.
Don’t ever fucking say that again. If you’re going to a strip club all by yourself, you really need to reevaluate the lifestyle that you’re living.
Dark corner’s are only acceptable if you’re with a big group of friends. Otherwise, people will think that you’re up to no good, trying to start a sticky puddle in their neighborhood. FYI, masturbating at a strip joint is frowned upon.
Strip clubs don’t always hire beautiful women, but they sure as fuck have bouncers on staff who are more than willing to kick the shit out of somebody. Trust me, one sure fire way to piss a bouncer off is by pulling out anything other than money. All I did was send a text message, and Andre the giant wanted to pummel me.
As tempting as the chlamydia rag may look, I wouldn’t touch that thing with prosthetic hands. For those of you unfamiliar with the term “chlamydia rag” I’m talking about the community towel that the dancers use to clean off the polls before starting their routine. Obviously, the terrible towel isn’t the only thing you want to keep your paws off. I also would avoid touching; doorknobs, leather couches, everything in the bathroom, and most importantly… the dancers. Keep in mind, if you do touch anything mentioned above, wash your fucking hands (just be leery of the towel you use when you dry those puppies off).
I’ve always heard its in very bad taste to just go to a strip club and ogle without spending some cash. Even if you don’t want to pay for a dance, you could always just throw a couple of 1’s, or (pending they serve alcohol) buy a couple drinks. Basically, don’t be a cheap bastard because this is a business, not a free peep show.
HAVE ANY TIPS FOR STRIP CLUB VIRGINS? LET EM’ KNOW IN THE COMMENTS BELOW.
SPEAKING OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM, CLICKING THE LIKE BUTTON WILL HELP BOOST MY CONFIDENCE.