5 Reasons Why Your Party Sucked | College Parties


Charging Chicks: “5 for guys, 3 for girls” You know it’s going to be a shitty party when you hear that phrase. I’m not saying to let em’ drink for free, but I don’t know many girls who’dpayjust to hangout at some sausage-fest. If they are paying, then your ass better be supplying some form of roofalin free alcoholic beverages. Failure to do so, and you have a full out abortion on your hands.




CDWBTOB: “Is that even a real word?” said the dumb girl. No, it’s an acronym for “Charging Dudes Who Brought Their Own Beer”, and I’m prettysurethat I made it up. Moving on, if someone brings their own beer, then why would you make them pay to be at your party? I don’t care how “exclusive” you think your party is, a stander’s fee is complete bullshit. I can remember a time when my roommate and I went party hopping with a keg on a wheel chair. Believe it or not, one house had the audacity to ask us to pay. If someone brings a fucking keg to your party, then the only words that should be coming out of your mouth is “Open Sesame”. *Side note: wheeling a keg down Euclid St is just as awesome as it sounds*  

Rape Lighting: Nothing quite says “get me the fuck out of here” more than a dark basement does. Well, maybe a Penn State locker room, but that’s besides the point. But seriously, do yourself a favor, and string up some lighting. People will be less likely to think they’re entering a rape dungeon, and more likely to stay at your party.





Shitty Music: Talk to your roommates and find out which one of you has the least shitty taste in music. Otherwise, look into getting some bro to come DJ your party. Seeing as you live in a college town, finding a “DJ” shouldn’t be all that hard. Christ, throw me a couple beers and I’ll come do it for free.





Sausage Fest: If there is only 1 girl to every 5 guys, then you’re setting yourself up for a complete disaster. I can almost guarantee that your testosterone ridden party will end in a full out brawl (pending your guests stay that long to begin with). Looking into accruing some friends that have vaginas might not be the worst decision you’ll make this year. Just a little advice, you’re not going to find them while playing call of duty. Your best bet is to post your party on fiestafrog.com, and invite the Hot Girls group.

Honorable Mention

  • You live with D-Bags
  • Failed to mention BYOB
  • Shitty Party Them (ex: mustache party)
  • No drinking games
  • Way too crowded
  • No one shows up

Thanks For Reading, Now Go Hit That Like Button

-Keith Morgan

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